The Battle's On

"After all, he's not a tame lion." -Mr. Tumnus, "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"

It's been awhile since I posted here...my apologies. There has been a lot going on and a lot on my heart. And there are a lot of blog posts that I have in my head, and will eventually post - just haven't gotten around to it yet! I promise!

I have spent the last week and a half grounded to the couch, the chair, the bed...and am still walking gingerly and trying to spend as little time as possible on my feet. Tendonitis in both feet made them ache constantly, and made standing, much less walking, almost unbearable. I did not go to work, to various events, or even to church. Granted, I still had my personal devotions, and the fellowship of my family, but I was out of fellowship with other believers for a week, and in nearly constant pain. And somewhere in the middle I found myself struggling with complacency. Funny how Satan likes to kick us when we're down, hmm?

Something impressed upon me during this time was 2 Timothy 2. There is much to learn from this chapter, but certain verses seem to follow a theme. May I share it with you?

Verse 1:
You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

Be strong in Jesus' grace. What is strength? Our culture tries to define strength in so many ways. But thankfully our Lord does not leave us without a definition - one of His great attributes is that He never tries to confuse us or leave us wondering.

Verses 3-4:

You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.

So what is strength? For one, it is being willing to "endure hardship;" for another, it is keeping yourself free from distractions.

The adversary loves to throw so many distractions at us. So many things call for our attention. How many times have I finally logged off the computer at night, ashamed that I spent hours in meaningless stuff when I only spend 10-20 minutes in prayer? How many times have I began an activity with my heart in the right place, only to find that, after a few minutes, my mind begins to wander and I end up with a completely different attitude?

Verse 15:

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Be diligent...present yourself...a worker who does not need to be ashamed...rightly dividing... The words ring out like a battle cry, a call to arms. Distractions? They have no chance against the diligent soldier of Christ.

Now it probably seems incongruous to mix the Chronicles of Narnia with a local rodeo, but bear with me - real strength, in men and women of God, comes from Him. You cannot fight this battle on your own. A soldier would look pretty silly marching alone under his own banner while everyone else fights together. A cowboy would sound kind of stupid boasting about riding the coin-operated toy horses at the supermarket. On our own, we're destined to fall to the distractions and constant spiritual warfare...by the strength of our God, we stand, unashamed. And chapter 4, verse 7, proclaims the well-known victory cry:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

The battle's on. Which side are you on, soldier?

Desires of the Heart

Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

We've all heard this verse, many times, and usually rephrase it, "...and He will give you whatever your heart desires." But what if give doesn't mean give like you think it means give?

What if give means... "and He will give your heart the desires He wants you to have"? Rather than simply give us whatever we want, He would much rather change our hearts to want what He wants!

C. S. Lewis once said, "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." How true! Because sometimes the lessons He has for us to learn, though they may be unpleasant and even painful during the learning process, are all for our good.

An insight recently given to me by a friend was based on Psalm 37:3-4~

Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

If we break this down, it might look something like this: Trust in the Lord, let Him guide you without doubting Him; do good, continue to obey what you know He has commanded; dwell in the land, bloom where you're planted -- shine for Him and work for His glory, right where He has you; feed on His faithfulness, use the time to grow and learn of His faithfulness and love. Delight yourself in the Lord, let Him be the most important thing in your life; He'll give you the desires of your heart, but they may not be the same as what you currently desire -- He may change your heart to desire the same as what He desires, and want what He wants.

Wow. That hit me right where I needed it...because lately I've been struggling a little with contentment. In the last few weeks especially God has used songs, worship time, and Godly advice to get me to see that He has placed me where I am, right now, for a reason and that He is using me right here and now. That I don't have to go somewhere else to be used, but He can use me anywhere. That if He wants to use me elsewhere, He will move me elsewhere...until then, I'm here.

At the same time He asked me to be not only content but even happy with the current circumstances He's given me...because contentment is not really contentment if I don't appreciate what I'm being content with! I can say all day long that I am content with being in California...but if I am not OK with the idea of staying here for as long as God has for me to be here, however long that may be, I'm not really content.

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. Philippians 4:11


"But God," I say in my heart, "I want to serve You! I want to do great things for You! Why can't I go on a missions trip somewhere and serve You in some visible way?"

And then I walk through a store and end up in an hour long conversation with a random woman, spending half that time witnessing to her. "Wow, God," I say, "You used me in an unexpected way, in an unexpected place." And then I hold the door open for a mom struggling with one hand holding a toddler and the other hand holding a baby carrier, and she thanks me and walks away. "Wow, God," I say, "You used me in a way nobody else knows about, but special to You."

And I feel God tug at my heart (I'd rather that than a slap on the head!), saying, "Are you paying attention? Do you see what I'm doing? I'm using you!"

"Yes, Lord," I say and bow my heart in worship. "I understand. Use me however You will. I want to desire what You desire. And when You want to use me, wherever and whenever that may be, let me be sensitive to Your voice and ready to do Your will. And if You choose to use me elsewhere, that will be Your choice; I am content wherever You place me, for however long You choose. Your will be done."

It is then that I understand the truth of 1 Timothy 6:6 ~ "Now godliness with contentment is great gain."

This little light of mine...

I was at work overhearing a conversation between two coworkers about another coworker. The first two, which I'll call A and B, were laughing at coworker C, who likes to appear tough but is actually rather immature. In an attempt to defend my friend C, I spoke up. "He hasn't always been like that. I knew him, like, 3 years ago and he wasn't like that."

"Yeah," said coworker B. "He used to be a goody Christian."

Ouch. That one hurt.

Not even so much because I felt sorry for my friend...but because it was a testimony lost, a witness gone down the drain. There was a time when that specific friend had a great testimony, but even if he tried, no one would listen to him right now.

Of course, the moral of the story (which we don't like to think about) is that it could be anyone.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Let's face it - it's hard to be a light in the midst of darkness. Especially since the darkness fights back - and the darkness is stronger than we are! Thank God our light comes from Him, not of ourselves - we would never be strong enough on our own to keep our lights shining.

But what is the purpose of the light? Are we shining pointlessly? Does it make a difference whether our light shines or goes out?

You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine..." Funny how the songs we sing as children sometimes reflect the weightiest decisions we make in life. It's a choice to let your light shine...or not.

Sometimes it feels like you're the only one shining in the middle of the darkness - don't give up! You will be blessed for hanging in there. Other times it feels like everything is chaos and unstable, that it would be easier to simply give in and compromise your light. Again, you will be blessed for holding on, even if you can't yet see how.

How do I know? Because I've been there, done that - and let me tell you, our God is faithful.

He is the Giver of all light, the One who spoke light into existence - He is more than capable of keeping your light shining.

No Greater Love

I'm going to be rather blunt today...with myself and with you. Are you ready?

Recently, a very serious relationship I was happily involved in came to an end.

Wow. Interesting to see that in print. I think most people reading this, however, can feel the pain behind that statement.

And you can probably identify with the question that now hangs over me: now what?

Where do I go from here? What do you do when you don't know what you thought you knew? Now what do I do?

I face those questions physically, trying to decide what God wants for my life now. Do I move? Stay here? Try to get a new job? Keep this one? Start a career?

But the place those questions truly haunt is spiritual. Oh, how easy it would be to question God.

Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips. Job 2:9-10

Maybe you're going through the same thing; probably you're going through something different. But I can guarantee there is something (or multiple things) in all of our lives that Satan would like to use to convince us to question God, to doubt His goodness and His master plan.

Have you questioned God? Have you doubted Him?

But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?” Romans 9:20

Who are we to question God? Who are we to doubt His goodness, His love, or even His very character?

And yet...I confess that I have doubted His love. Having someone love me, then stop, has caused me to be insecure about love. Not that I think God will stop loving me...but there is now a doubt that I never felt before. Suddenly, the definition of being in love with God is no longer so clear.

Standing in worship, I raised my hands and tears streamed down my face. "God, do You really love me?" my heart cried.

And then we sang this song:



And I felt His love pouring over me, over and over again. And I heard Him tell my heart, "I love you. I have always loved you. I died for you...it's already been done. That's My proof. I will never stop loving you."

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:9-10

...that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19

"Lilies of the Field"

It wasn't the easiest of days; my head was being stretched in several different directions and my heart was heavy. Funny how, on days like that when we need Him most, that the Father likes to so gently remind us how much He loves us?

Busily moving about and tending to business, I saw something out of the corner of my eye that stopped me in my tracks. What appeared to be just an ordinary patch of clover in an ordinary grassy lawn was anything but....because, standing tall and holding its head up proudly, a beautiful little daisy was poking up.

I stopped to look closer. I got down on my knees to get a better look. It crowned its thin stem, towering over the clover and grass, not ashamed to stand alone, to stand out.

On even closer look, I realized it was far from perfect. It was bruised...battered...beaten. Petals were bent and marred. Yet rather than hide from scrutiny, it continued to lift its cheerful face to the sunshine -- and the God who created both.

For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away: but the word of the Lord endureth for ever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you. 1 Peter 1:24-25

Ah God...my heart is convicted. How many times have I hidden behind my pain or my stress and worry, cried out to You that I cannot possibly praise You in light of the circumstances...the circumstances that You placed in my life. And it took a beautiful bruised daisy to reveal this to me!

The more I looked around, the more I realized how many flowers You placed around me. Most go unnoticed, living their short lives only to please You and then expiring after fulfilling the purpose for which they were created.

As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. Psalm 103:15-16

Some flowers are around me because I planted them there, because I desired their beauty around me. In the same way, You place me - plant me, even - where You want me, where You desire to show Yourself to the people around me.

Some flowers seem insignificant; they go unnoticed most of the time. Their sole purpose is to live their short lives to glorify God. How I want to glorify You, Father...whether or not I am noticed by men. In fact, make me whatever kind of flower You desire, that the glory may go only to You and not to me.

But should You decide to bestow me with more glory, as some showy flowers, may I never withhold it for myself and refrain from giving it all back to You, the One to whom belong "glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created.” Revelation 4:11

 Lord, make my life, my flower, one that glorifies You. One that people see and automatically praise You because of Your light in me. One that does not bring attention to itself but to the Creator.

Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Matthew 6:27-29

Oh God...in everything I do, be glorified!

Faith?

 out of control

o do,

We were in a boat in the middle of Lake Havasu. The weather was almost unbearably hot, but the water was cool and refreshing and we were having a lot of fun. That is…until the boat wouldn’t start.

The boat didn’t even belong to us. A friend had allowed us to borrow it to enjoy on the lake that day. We were unfamiliar with the boat’s operation, and though it had been running just fine all morning, when it would not start back up, we had no idea what to do. Though there were many other boats on the lake, we suddenly felt alone and unsure.

 

What to do? Well of course prayer was in order, immediately! As I watched my uncle trying again and again to get the starter to catch, I prayed, “Lord, if it be Your will, please let the boat start!”

And then someone in our group said something like, “We just need to have faith that God will make it start!”

Whoa. Back up.

Prayer, take two. Suddenly my prayer was not so much about the boat, but in questioning what I was praying! Who was right? I sat in the boat and contemplated faith.

I had full faith that God could make that boat start, if He chose to do so. But what if that was not what He chose to do? If He chose another solution to our situation, what did that say about my faith?

Nothing. My faith was placed in God’s ability -- as well in His wisdom. Again, I have faith that He could’ve started that boat. In His wisdom, He chose a different solution – we called a boat tow service, which pulled us to shore. In fact, the tow cost us nothing because the boat’s owners had a membership with that service. The outing still ended nicely as we successfully trailered the boat and returned it (the owners were glad we were not stranded and were not in the least upset about the situation).

What if my faith had been placed only in God’s ability to resolve the problem with that single solution? Would my faith have been shaken when He chose to answer our prayers in a different way?

“…whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” James 4:14-15

“…if it be Your will…” is something I often tag into my prayers, but how often do I really stop to think what it means? “If it be Your will” acknowledges that sometimes my understanding of a situation, my ideas of how God should fix it, is not necessarily the same as His.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

For instance, I would never have guessed that He would choose to use a fun day on the lake to teach me an important lesson on faith.

Matters of the Heart

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

It had been one of those days. One of those days that nothing seems to be going right -- and even the things that are going right are clouded by the things that aren't. When I walk in the door and feel like doing nothing whatsoever -- much less smiling and talking cheerfully.

But of course, I work in jobs that require smiling and talking cheerfully. It's kind of important, when you are serving others, to do so pleasantly and politely. And yet, as I smiled, I did not feel like smiling. On the outside I had a positive attitude, but I did not smile on the inside.

It was becoming harder and harder to smile with a frown on my heart; harder to respond patiently to my customers as my heart grumbled.

And the Good Lord touched my shoulder and said... "What are you doing?"

"But God," I complained, "I'm having a rough day. I deserve to be grumpy!" Even as I said those words in my heart, I knew it wasn't right.

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. Philippians 2:14-15

Aren't you glad we have a God who forgives the grumbling of our hearts?

Instead of letting my heart grumble, I began to sing praise songs under my breath (in between customers, of course!). Instead of hanging onto my pity party, I let His peace flood my heart. Instead of dwelling on the negative things weighing down my mind, I set my "mind on things above" (Colossians 3:2).

And you know something? My day suddenly started looking up. By the evening I was tired but not depressed, weary but not weighed down. Just one more day of learning to dance with God.

He chooses the music and leads the dance, and it's up to us to take His hand and dance with Him in our hearts.

Shall we dance?

Making Memories

All good conversation, manners, and action, come from a spontaneity which forgets usages, and makes the moment great. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

There comes a time when the spontaneity of an idea is a valuable factor to consider in whether or not to follow through with the concept. And when I suddenly got the idea, on a breezy day, to kidnap my mother, well, I simply asked myself, "What would Mary Poppins do?"

And so...we flew kites.

I texted my mother and asked her to be ready when I got home, and I finished up the errands I was running with a stop at the dollar store to pick up kites. And down to the neighborhood park we went, to fly kites.

But not all went as planned. One kite wouldn't fly.

I love my mother very much.

In most circumstances, a dud kite would be a downer on the fun. My mom and I, however, laughed and laughed during our efforts to get the kite to fly. And the kite that would not fly produced more memories than its high-flying sister.

The moral of this story? I have two.

Spontaneity sometimes makes great memories.

Circumstances that do not go according to plan often make the best memories.

On Lifestyles and Birthday Parties

Sometimes the things I see weigh heavily on my heart.

First the background to the topic... One of my jobs is assistant to a caricaturist. We do parties where she sits and draws caricatures of the party guests, and I keep a list of people waiting for their picture, make sure things stay organized, put the drawings in sleeves, and generally keep the chaos to a minimum. Which is all very well and good - but it allows me plenty of time to observe and contemplate the people around me.

This particular birthday party was in Newport Beach, California. Oh yes. Ritzy City, indeed. Just booking the party at the lagoon probably cost as much as a couple of my paychecks. About 80 children attended, including their parents, and all were fed bountifully. Plenty of food was available, plus 4 cakes and a lot of cupcakes, plus people from Ben and Jerry's serving ice cream and toppings (so good!), plus people making and serving crepes (also very good!). Activities included us (the caricaturists), three people organizing parties, a truck from a local aquarium with fish displays inside, and an inflatable velcro wall -- as well as the lagoon water to play in. In other words, they probably sunk an easy several thousand dollars into this party.

It was a birthday party for a six-year-old boy.

Can anyone say priorities? Years from now the kid won't remember the party. The 80 kids who were there probably won't remember the party. And, if the birthday boy is even friends with all 80 of the young guests, they will probably no longer even be friends in a matter of years. Basically the whole thing was a carefree day of sweets and playtime for the kids, and social time for the adults. Because we all know a party of this caliber was hardly about the child.

Look around.

People in some countries are dying because of the lack of clean water.

People in some countries are living in cardboard boxes in the dump because they have no houses.

People in some places lack things we take for granted - hospitals, church buildings, means of education, daily food.

People here in America have lost their jobs and are struggling to make ends meet, to buy groceries and pay basic bills.

there's nothing wrong with a birthday party, that's not the problem. Priorities of spending is the problem.

Don't misunderstand me...I'm not judging here, I'm no better than anyone else.

But to much of the world...I am rich. I have more than one pair of shoes, a bed with blankets, and more food than I could eat in one day. I worked three jobs yesterday because I can and because I have committed to doing so, not because I am trying desperately to survive and support my loved ones. Today I went to church and worshiped freely with other believers, with a roof over our heads and no fear of persecution.

It's not up to me to draw the conclusions here. There really is no conclusion - except that each person does what is right in their own conscience before God.

These things weigh heavily on my heart.

Those Days

You know those days when you can't do anything right?

Yeah. It's been one of those days.

And in the middle of it, the Father puts His huge loving arms around me and whispers, "My child, I love you. Give up the frustration, learn from your mistakes, and trust Me for the outcome."

And my weak human heart cries, "Oh Father...why? Why do I make mistakes? Why do I have days like this?"

To which He still more lovingly replies, "Because you're human, and I'm in charge. Trust Me."

And so, with trust and forgiveness and love and a few hugs, all is right with the world...except that the day is not yet over.

Who Am I?

A few years ago, I kept a blog called Cowgirl For Jesus. I eventually abandoned that blog in favor of Facebook, but now, like many of my friends, I find myself returning to blogging...it's like the sea, it gets in your blood and you can't leave it! :P

I'm not yet sure what I want to accomplish with this blog, except maybe to express myself in more than 420 characters or less...not to say that I am leaving Facebook by any means, but simply that I want a broader canvas on which to display the work of art God is creating in my life. And so this blog is focused on Him, not on me. As the Casting Crowns' song Who Am I says so aptly, "Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done; not because of what I've done, but because of who You are."

The Lord is doing some amazing things in my life right now -- I can't even begin to express how blown away I am, time and time again, as He gives me glimpses of His will for my life. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." In another translation this becomes, "'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" While this verse may be slightly taken out of context, it is clear that the Lord has our future in His hands. Other scriptures that reinforce this include Psalm 40:5 "Many, O LORD my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered," and Psalm 139:17 "How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!" What a concept! The God who created everything, who rules and reigns over all creation, who makes the moon reflect the sun -- He thinks of me! He is intimately acquainted with my life, knows the hairs on my head (Matthew 10:30), and cares about everything in my life. And yet it is so easy to be like the person described in Psalm 10:4 "The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts." Oh how easily we fall into this sin! In the rush and busyness of the day, the still small voice is lost in the clamor of everything else vying for my attention...and suddenly the day is over, and I reflect and ask whether my life has glorified God in that day. I yearn to say confidently that my days do glorify God, and yet I know in the weakness of my flesh this is not always the case. Lord forgive me...the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

And so I intend to use this blog to chronicle some of the plans God has for my future. It will be an adventure, watching Him reveal each step in its time. I have been following a devotional by Stormy Omartian called Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On, which has helped me understand that God does not give us the future laid out ahead of time, but instead shows us each step one at a time, guiding us and asking us to step out in faith and trust Him. And as I grow in that faith and trust, I am blessed beyond what I could have imagined!

Not every post here will be this serious or thought-provoking -- many will be just for fun :) But in all, I will strive to glorify God in my thoughts, words, and actions, and I ask the same from you. Will you join me?

Forgiven

The weight of where I've been lies heavy on my heart
The adversary wants me to believe I've gone too far
For Your love to ever reach me
For Your grace to ever cleanse me

But then I feel Your gentle hand touching my wounds
And suddenly in the dark Your light shines through
And You're standing right in front of me, and Your arms are open
And You're telling me Your love for me cannot be broken
You lift me up and wipe my eyes
And show me in the Book of Life,

Underneath my name in blood is written
FORGIVEN

-Rebekah Nixon
All copyrights applicable

What Hardships Have I Overcome?

What hardships have I overcome
To build my trust and shape my faith?
My age is tender, my years are young
Few are the hard-fought battles I’ve won
When all seemed lost but for God’s grace
Shining through in my hour of need
Teaching me henceforth to walk by faith
And trust in what I cannot see.

My life is clay in the Potter’s hands
To mold whatever form He please.
Though I may not always understand
And cannot see God’s perfect plan
He works only the best for me
And calls me simply to trust His love
My side He promised to never leave
His grace He promised to be enough.

And so I stand, firm in His truth
Though the wind may howl and storms assail
Spent in service shall be my youth
And late in life, my heart the proof
That, though my feeble soul had failed
I did press on, though weary and worn
Till on the blissful shores I hailed
A faith of gold, refined by storms.

-Rebekah Nixon
All copyrights applicable